Conversations at Midnight #12: Who Made Paul the Family Counsellor?

Years ago, I questioned a mentor on the topic of headship: “I don’t teach it!” she shot back. “But it’s in the Bible!”

“I don’t teach it.” 

I sat back, absorbing what she just said. I could feel my brain circuits struggle to make room for ideas I had never considered.

Headship was a term not used by any other biblical writer, but we find it repeatedly in Paul's writings. Peter had a few sentences for husbands and wives, but James, the Lord’s brother, had nothing to add. Neither did Jude, Matthew, Mark, Luke, or even John, who authored five books of the New Testament.

Somehow, it fell to Paul to become the family counsellor—his advice circling the globe with a wider reach than Dr. Oz could ever hope to have! It's like a person receiving a PhD after chatting with Dr. Google a few times. I'm 100% sure that Paul never tripped on a Hot Wheel or Lego while getting up at night to soothe a frightened child. So what's the story?

Paul was part of the first team commissioned to preach outside his culture. What he may have lacked in experience, he gained through a connection to The Ancient of Days. I imagine this saddled him with obligations that may not have applied to the other leaders who, until then, mostly preached to the choir. These non-Jewish believers, under conviction by the Holy Spirit, would have asked, "How should we live?"

I remember a pastor describing how she had to teach her congregation everything from personal hygiene to who should be allowed to sing on the worship team. These boots-to-the-ground topics struck more apprehension in her than the heady topics of sanctification, justification, and end-time eschatologies.

We know that the question of "How should they live?" was a topic of great debate among the Council of Apostles and Church Fathers in the book of Acts. After much discussion, they welcomed non-Jewish believers as full members in The Way, with no added burdens except to urge them to avoid idolatry, strangled meat, drinking blood, and sexual immorality.

This decision set huge precedent. The church leaders chose not to confront culture or political systems head-on! The Spirit was grafting all kinds of people into this new movement, and their desire was not to turn them into people just like them, but to trust the Gospel message to transform their lives from the inside out. They were concerned with getting that message out!

Storytellers throughout the centuries have looked for natural things to uncover spiritual truths. Similes, metaphors, and everyday images help bring understanding to ideas shrouded in mystery.

Household order, social contracts, and Roman understandings of marriage were familiar to the new believers Paul had led to faith. He used headship to describe Christ's relationship to the church; Jesus is her source and provider, backed by Heaven's resources.

As we dive into Ephesians and Colossians, let’s circle back to the question of, “where were Paul and Peter leading the Church?” Were they trying to establish a new hierarchy in their Household Orders of Conduct, or were they subverting the existing hierarchy into a movement of love and servanthood? As we meditate on the concept of transforming people and cultures from the inside out, Paul's choice of terms becomes a conversation worth having:

What does headship even mean? Is it relevant today? And is that the most important question? Stay tuned for more...

Scripture references: Acts 15, Acts 13:13, Acts 20:7-12, Ephesians 5